Warning:: This entry is full of my insane crap!
Been thinking about things. Been thinking quite abit. Just realized how fickle and vulnerable relationships are. And no, I'm not pin-pointing at any one of mine of anyone else's relationships. I'm just saying in general. As I've said before, many people walked in and outta my life. Some came back, others stayed away. Just how much have they affected my perception, I don't know. All I know is that everytime someone walks out, I grow more and more sceptical about the human race. Ha
Are relationships that susceptible to trials and troubles? Hmmm, I gotta get back on that.
Okay, ignore my insane ramblings please!!
I miss you! +sighs+
--* imperfect unsatisfaction 20:46 *-- [.//cry out**
]
I'm bored. Real bored. And I just realized ALL my favourites links are in my desktop!! +rawr+ And the worst thing is I can't get both comps online. Stupid wireless hasn't been installed. Crap
Sha>>> Are you using broadband? If you are, just connect the modem to the phone line jack behind the laptop. And voila! I don't know if you're on dialup though.
--* imperfect unsatisfaction 18:52 *-- [.//cry out**]
I got my laptop!! Okay, so I got my DAD's one while he's gonna buy a new one. BUT... Still. I like it. And I luuurvveee my folks so much. I'm still shocked that they payed for my lessons and all. And they're actually supporting me in this!! +amazed+ Ha. I'm crazy. Okay, the laptop is as good as new man. Seeing my dad didn't bother to even set it up. I'm like waiting for it to finish the set up and get my wireless by this week. I'm ecstatic!! I love it. I love it. I just love it. Hahaha
--* imperfect unsatisfaction 21:21 *-- [.//cry out**]
I miss. I miss. I miss you so much. I miss you so damn much I just wanna hug you, feel your arms around me. But will I ever be able to do that anymore?
Stepping back, trying to give you all the time and space that you need. It's not that I don't care, I just don't wanna pressure you. Not expecting much. Just tell me that you still love me, that you still want me.
--* imperfect unsatisfaction 21:54 *-- [.//cry out**]
I said baby your amazing
I want to let you see
You are everything and more to me
I will let you be I will I will
--* imperfect unsatisfaction 15:59 *-- [.//cry out**]
Feel like strangling someone. Argh!! My dad is such a pain. He screws up the damn comp and he gets all hysterical on me. I can't use WMP! I can't live without my mp3s. Argh! Dawn, I wanna go out!! Take me away someone!! Away from this place.
Cheryl's finally gonna do her hair. Tomorrow! Su reckons I HAVE to do it. Why? I don't know. That woman's just nuts. Meeting her tomorrow I think. Hair Shop. Chop?? Trim?? Bangs?? One thing's for sure. Black hair with red/blue streaks. I haven't really decided but yeah. Probably gonna get a tatoo or something along with my hair. I don't know. Need to do something. Ok, I'm gonna go now. Can't stand one minute of my dad's nagging and my mom's laughter. Seesh
--* imperfect unsatisfaction 20:41 *-- [.//cry out**]
Sometimes I just wonder why I'm such a big idiot. Ah guess I'll never know. Anyways, scratch the previous entry if you must. Off now for coffee. Caffeine plus last night will get me high. Bye
--* imperfect unsatisfaction 14:44 *-- [.//cry out**]
Ask me just what I'd do for you
And I'll tell you I would do anything
Ask if this heart beats true for you
And I'll show you a truer heart could never be
--* imperfect unsatisfaction 14:13 *-- [.//cry out**]
Annonymous>>> I'm kinda getting sick and tired of your shit here. Whoever you are, why don't you leave your name? If you wanna slam someone, have the balls to leave your name?! You forced the bitch in me out. You did it! I'm losing my cool. So either leave your name or go away!! In other words, face it or fuck off!
--* imperfect unsatisfaction 03:16 *-- [.//cry out**]
如果这爱已对你是一种包袱
你不必勉强你的心
应为我不愿看你这样的痛苦
我心甘情愿给你自由快忍不足 (我受不了)
我好想哭 (眼泪流下来)
可是我坚强的对你祝福
--* imperfect unsatisfaction 15:26 *-- [.//cry out**]
Dawn, Su, 'Los>>> I appreciate you guys trying to stick up for me. But I have no idea who that person is. Neither do I wanna know. Just leave him/her alone. I don't wanna start another big debate there like in the other blog. Yeah.
Annonymous>>> Whoever you are, I don't care. Just stop!
--* imperfect unsatisfaction 14:01 *-- [.//cry out**]
Laced up contradictions. Bound to my soul. Will I ever be free or will I just go on living with this embedded into my heart, sinking deeper with each passing day. Will someone come and pull that out? Or will someone come along and plunge it deeper? The unknown... It's driving me to the edge. Clinging on? Letting go? Uncertain of what's lying in wait below. These bloodied tears. Will they wash away all sanity? Remove everything? I guess not. Cause all that's left now is a tear-stained face and a heavy heart filled with guilt, pain, love for *you and hate for me!
Is this scene ever gonna end? Will it fail me ultimately, this act of mine I'm putting on. Will acting that I'm okay really make me okay? Or will the hurt deepen? Will the pain intensify? Maybe I'm just stubborn. But will a time-out really improve things? Is a time-out really neccessary? I thought I threw the actor in me away. But somehow, right now, I have to find that part of me again. And it lies amongst the rubble of discarded memories and facades. Will I ever be able to immerse myself full-time and hold out? Or will I collapse under the surreal activity around me? I know I hafta be my character and not let my character become me. Is that possible? It's ironic how things always come back in a circle to you. After years of acting, I get slammed for not being true and real. And when I finally express myself, I get slammed for being who I am. Maybe it's self-centered thinking, but can people decide what they want from me? Ha, I'm just a joke.
Unguided words just spilled
--* imperfect unsatisfaction 00:09 *-- [.//cry out**]
Crazy Cheryl's sitting at the comp... Thinking of the 4 packets of stuff downstairs. Let's see, 3 packets of Doritos, 6 cups of instant noodles, 3 huge bottles of Pokka green tea. Something came over me when I was on the way home from work. Suddenly got off the bus at the next stop, walked to the gas station and bought these 4 plastic bags of crap. I guess insanity's finally setting in
Quit today. Took shit from the manager. Can't blame anyone. So now, I hafta compensate the company half my pay cause I refuse to give a one week notice. +sighs+ It's just Cheryl and her weird doings. No comments
--* imperfect unsatisfaction 23:47 *-- [.//cry out**]
Well it's hard to stay in denial when even the only person who always tells you what you wanna hear gets tired and slaps the truth into your face.
Thanks Dawn, for waking me up from this state of denial. I've accepted that I'm all that and more. Frankly, I don't feel like blogging. I don't even know what I'm doind here. Feel like breaking down. But NO! I must stay strong. Like what Rach said, for the sake of everything, I MUST stay strong! I HAVE TO!
Cried too damn much. Yes, I'm paranoid. But feeling like you've hurt someone you really really love cuts more than anything in the world. Yes, I'm selfish, self-centered and everything. Time... Something I'm getting very scared of. Something I'm starting to hate
Right. I MUST start my self convincing... Start psycho-ing myself. +sighs+ Back to the old me
Btw, I'm getting my life back. Tuesday's my last day at work! +jumps around+ I'm counting down. Can't wait. WooHoo!! It's 2 more days!! +yay+
Temporal relief from pain
--* imperfect unsatisfaction 00:05 *-- [.//cry out**]
Right I know I said I would be away. But I can't help it. Too much weighing on me. Tears aren't gonna wash away the emotions, won't wash away the guilt, won't wash away anything. Then why am I still crying? I hate myself for letting my weakness affect this all. I hate myself for letting my thoughts run wild. I hate myself for being so weak. I just hate myself. I don't know if I'm thinking too much. But does this signify the end of things? Is this it? Did I just screw things up?
Sitting here alone, tears clouding my vision. All I can think of is you, you, you! How much I've hurt you and what a horrible person I've been towards you. Maybe like everyone says, I'll hang on like a mad bitch till you cut that line. I don't know what I'm rambling about but I just feel like its all MY fault. I screwed up... BIG TIME. And nothing's ever gonna change that! And I'm never gonna forgive myself if this ends cause of me. Cause of me being such a pathetic loser
I don't know what to do... I just feel like dying right now! Kill me someone, before I kill myself
--* imperfect unsatisfaction 01:32 *-- [.//cry out**]
It's official. Cheryl's re-addicted to 'all or nothing' by o-town. And no. It doesn't mean no shit. I just like it. The words don't mean nothing... Oh. And I feel like going away. Away from everything till I sort out my thoughts and feelings. So if you don't hear from me, don't worry. I'm probably still alive
--* imperfect unsatisfaction 21:28 *-- [.//cry out**]
Words have been said. Tears have been shed. Is this all worth it? When am I ever gonna learn? When am I gonna let go of the past?!
A battered heart. Afraid to trust completely. As much as I love you. I hate myself. Why can't I let go? Why can't I just see that this is gonna be different? The past is haunting me. More than it has ever done before. Fear is taking over. Past experiences left me bruised and afraid. Can I ever get over them?
I hurt you I know that. And I feel like I don't deserve you and even more so, your love. I'm sorry if this relationship is draining you. I don't know what to say but I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. I want this to work out... But I know the only way is for me to let go of the past. Can I?
Fuck! Enough of this.
Monks-ed last night with Mel, Jia, Sam, Claire, Qi, Dia. Was okay. Music wasn't as good though. I don't know. Maybe twas my mood? Ah well
Just came back from The Passion with Dawn. It was good. No other comments but it was good.
I think I'm gonna stop here. I don't know what to say. Too many things running through my mind now. And I'm thinking would it be better to be devoid of all emotions?
Hey, I hope you had a good trip home. Catch up soon yea babe? +hugs+
Please forgive me || My weakness caused you pain
--* imperfect unsatisfaction 21:26 *-- [.//cry out**]
Sometimes words don't show much assurances.
Sometimes loving someone doesn't mean you can have that someone.
And even when you get that someone, you might never ever have his heart.
Sometimes you don't ever know how much you've hurt someone. And most of the time, you'll never know.
Love. What's that? I'm beginning to think love never holds. Love will end. It will fade. True? I guess I'll know soon
But how can I fight someone who isn't even there
I've had the rest of you, now I want the best of you
I don't care if that's not fair.
There are times it seems to me
I'm sharing you in memories
I feel it in my heart but I don't show it, show it
And then there's times you look at me
As though I'm all that you can see
Theres times I dont believe its right, I know it, know it.
Cause you and I
Could lose it all if you've got no more room
Nowhere, inside, for me in your life.
Going crazy? Maybe I already am
--* imperfect unsatisfaction 09:37 *-- [.//cry out**]
Spent a whole night thinking. Of people who've walked in and outta my life. Of the memories and scars they've left behind. I guess no matter what happened, they came into my life for a reason and those who left, probably left for a reason too. They've all taught me something new about life and myself. And I just wanna thank everyone who has come into my life.
Dude, you know me. You know how much I don't like it when people say things they don't mean just to appease me. It's so damn fake. Why is it you're the ONLY one who can cheer me up and piss me off all in a matter of 3 days??! Haha. Anyways, thanks for everything dude. +hugs+
-dawn-
Nah, don't worry. We've gone through it one too many times. It'll blow over in a bit. Well, thanks for taking my ranting and all. I just love you so much babe. And you know why? Cause you always know what to say... Or rather, you ALWAYS know what I wanna hear and you say it. Lol. Anywho, you've just been great! As for *, we'll take it a step at a time yes? Just trying to get everything out in the open first
-su-
My soul sista! My cake! Hahah. Good one. Hey, what flavor am I supposed to be anyways? Lol. Su, you're my absolute darling, the precious angel. But most of all, you're my comfort food -- my cake. Never letting you go
-j-
What part of 'shut the hell up' don't you get?
-andrea-
Goodness. It's been 3 years?! Anyways, how's life in Aussie? I'm so glad I saw you yesterday babe. Btw, just msg me your no. yes? I kinda deleted it *oops* I might see you in June. Hopefully +crosses fingers+
-lydia-
Dia! Sorry I couldn't make it on sat. but I trust that you had fun right? I miss you so much! You and all your nonsense, lame-ass jokes and twisted logics. Lol. But most of all I miss your... SARCASM! It never fails to put a smile on my face. It's just so funny. Really. Well, I hope you're doing fine now yes? Guys... Don't think too much about it k? There's always girls on the nunnery. Lol, I was K.I.D.D.I.N.G! Cheer up la. We'll catch up soon k. When I quit and get my life back
-mel-
I'm telling you... It's so different now that we haven't had our late-night talks. Though they were filled with silences, they were somehow comforting? I dunno but I miss them. And most of all, I miss you la. Hmmm, what a way to beat around the bush yea?
-yanxi/yenlin-
I miss the two of you alot can?! I miss Yanxi's laughter and Yenlin's high-pitched voice. I miss the crazy times we've had. I miss the times we'd just sit around complaining and bitching. Ah, I just miss you both la. Catch up soon ya
-alex-
Just checked my other blog. My goodness. Haven't you noticed that I haven't updated there in ages? And woman, please link me here. I kinda shut-down the other blog. Just that it's still there. Ah well. And when I said leave me alone. I meant for that day, not forever. Seesh! And Dawn misses you like crazy, so much she's mad at me for asking you to leave me alone. So you better join us for coffee soon. Btw, I'll see you in NP soon
-heather/kyle-
My lovelies! Oh how I miss you guys so much. Plink, I need you right now. Especially your advice on guys. Haha. And Kyle, I need some mad-ness and funk in my life. Your great buddies here aren't providing me with enough of that. Come in summer yes???
-daphy-
Hey you! Cheer up la ok. Don't be so stressed. It was nice hearing from you la.
-ching-
Woman, cheer up k. I know I haven't been there for you dear. I'm sorry. But I just want you to know that I still care k. And I love you. Don't think too much la. And remember, no guy is ever worth your tears, and the one who is, won't ever make you cry! +hugs+
-amy-
The world's greatest princess! Hahah. Oh how I miss this ex desk-mate of mine so much. Sorry didn't catch up with you. I've just been working like a mad woman. Amazing eh? I mean, me working! Haha. Anyways, I miss you!!! If you don't come down in June, I will go over and drag you back here. Lol
-sam-
Samy-Wamy!!! Hahahah. I misss you!!!!!!!!! Can't wait for friday. Hope everything's going fine for you. And you better come back in June. Or I'll go down and drag you and Amy back yes? Hehe. Take care THE BOSS!
-paul-
I miss you dear! I know things have been pretty strained between us. And I'm really sorry k? There's so much I wanna say to you and I think it's gonna take some time for me to get it out. Don't stay mad at me for too long k? Forgive me? :P Love you so much sweetheart!! Don't you ever forget that yes
--* imperfect unsatisfaction 12:02 *-- [.//cry out**]
Well, I just wanna say thank you to all my friends who've been there for me these past days. To all who supported me, listened to my complains, took my nonsense and most importantly, held me up. You guys were my crutches when I was crumbling. And I feel so blessed that God has graced me with you guys!
It hasn't been easy for me. And I know it's been worse for you guys out there who've had to put up with it. I know I've been selfish and all. I suppose this has also been a blessing in disguise. I've learnt stuff about me that I never knew.
My soul sista. I just wanna thank you so much. For staying with me sat and yesterday. You have no idea how much I appreciate it. You've been amazing and I thank God for you!
'los
Hey you. Thank you! I don't know what else to say but thank you. Thanks for your strong shoulders that I cried on and those strong arms for making me feel that someone cared. The note and messages still mean alot. You and Su have totally made me feel so loved and treasured. And I'm wishing you guys all the best. And trust that He will bless you both in whatever you do yes? I love you Carlos! You've been such a great friend and brother to me.
mel
Hey, thanks for messaging me and asking. It's good knowing someone still cares.
dawn
My other soul sista. Thanks my dearie. Your words have been real uplifting and encouraging. I just wanna say that I'm glad that though we weren't sisters by birth, God made up sisters by heart! Love you my sista
ker
Love you. Thanks for calling every 5 mins to check up on me. Though I kinda got annoyed after awhile. I'm glad you did that. And made me feel loved and wanted
jams
THANK YOU so much!! You've been really really great. Thanks for talking to me during my breaks. It really made me feel better. And you don't stress yourself out too much ya. I'm always here my everlasting dearest!
paul
I'm sorry for being such a disappointment. I know you haven't exactly had the easiest time with me. And I'm really really sorry. I know my paranoia gets irritating and all. I'm trying to hold it in. Thanks for calling on sat and talking. It helped alot. I just wanna say that I really really miss you! I feel like you're like a gift from Him, and I'm gonna treasure you forever! You've been such a blessing. Thanks darling. I love you!
Thank you guys so much. Thanks for being there, being my crutch and for holding me up with your hugs, support and kind kind words of encouragement. I wouldn't be here right now if it weren't for you guys! I love and cherish ALL of you so much. You guys mean so much to me.
--* imperfect unsatisfaction 11:04 *-- [.//cry out**]
I'm just so fucked up right now. I don't even know what to say. I just need to rant
I'm sorry. I know I've disappointed my friends.
I feel so damn pathetic.
I hate myself!
I feel like such a selfish person
I'm a selfish and lousy christian
I'm a failure
I have no life!
I'm too paranoid
Isn't that enough reason to wanna end everything?
Su and 'Los came over last night. Thanks! I'm really glad I still have you guys. They came, talked and cried. I dunno why we were all bawling together. But I really appreciate it yes.
I've never cried so many days straight ever. I just wanna die. Myabe I'm running away btu.. Oh I dunno! I just miss everyone so much. I feel like I'm drifting away from everyone. Like I have no more social life. I hardly see anyone anymore. All I see all day is the stupid escalator right in fronta me and idiots walking past.
Slipping away... Slowly. Wondering. How much longer I can hold on
Jia: Thanks for calling. Really appreciate it
Dawn: It's ok. I understand. I can't expect everyone to drop everything for me. Really, it's fine
Su: Thanks
'Los: You've been great dude. Hope you didn't fall asleep on the way home. I miss you already! I used to say that you had real nice shoulders. Actually your shoulders are just so nice to cry on and bite. Soz dude
Feel like I'm a whole new person. And I hate it. I want the old me back. Where did she go? Where did she disappear to?
Fucking off now......
--* imperfect unsatisfaction 11:16 *-- [.//cry out**]
I'm losing it. Big time.
Thinking of shutting this down. Time to get rid of all evidence of my fucked up life, my fucked up existance!
Thanks for accompanying me for dinner yesterday. See you soon k. Miss you already
Jams
Thanks to you too for keeping me company during my breaks! Appreciate it so much. And you hang in there k. Hope I can transfer over soon
Jia
I just realized your shoulders are so great to cry on. Dunno why.
Mel
I just wanna apologize for being such an emotional bitch. Thanks for being there anyways
Lydia
I'll try my best k?! If I can get off on sunday
--* imperfect unsatisfaction 22:55 *-- [.//cry out**]
Once again, I've screwed up! I've messed up big time. Why do I hafta hide everything? Why do I hafta be such a moron!? I'm sorry for this weakness that thrives inside me. I'm trying. Trying real hard. I don't understand myself!!
Fuck, I'm just so messed up. Everything seems to be going wrong. My family is fucked up! I seem to make everyone else unhappy. I'm losing faith in everything and everyone! The faith that once was there can't be found no more. There's nowhere I can run to now. I question... But I get no answer. I cry... And all that I hear is the lonely echoes of my cries. I seek... And find emptiness.
I'm sorry. So so sorry! I don't know what else to say. But this one word - Sorry. This hasn't been easy. And I honestly wanna make this better. If only time wasn't a factor. If only I had the strength to let go of my past. If anyone's to blame. It's me. No one else but me.
I love you!
Mel : Thanks for hearing me out yesterday and for trying to cheer me up. I really appreciate it. Thanks. Love
Dawn : Sugar. Thanks for being there. I don't know what I'd have done if you weren't there last night. Thanks for blowing everything off for me. Thanks for your kind words of encouragement and your shoulder. I love you girl
Lydia : Hmmm, I'm working tomorrow at Wisma. Some clothes shop. Look for me when you're free. Miss you babe. Love lots
Su : Its ok. Just knowing you care means so much. Thanks babe. Love you
--* imperfect unsatisfaction 18:47 *-- [.//cry out**]
Haven't blogged in awhile. Well, I'm burnt, tired and messed up!
My mom's a bitch I tell ya. And I mean it. She can never let me have a day of peace. +screams+ Man, I can't wait to go to work. Get outta the house.
I miss EVERYONE!!! I know I've kinda been missing for 2 days!! Went for 7s. Had great fun!
Don't really feel like blogging now. Maybe later
Paul >>> Thanks baby for caring and putting up with me. Appreciate it. Love you with every inch of my heart!
Mel >>> Bitchified Butch!!!! I Miss YOU so much can!! Hahah
Yenlin >>> How's your baby pink cactus? Still alive? Miss and love you girl!!!
Yanxi >>> Ahhh!! It was so damn nice seeing you on Fri. Haven't seen you in ages. And cheer up k?? I'm always here. Love love +hugs+
Benji >>> Sorry I didn't go down ytd. Was damn tired. I'll make it up to you some other day k?? Sorry dude :)
Yang >>> I miss yooo!!
Jams >>> The two of us can just suffer together. I wanna work with ya! Hahah
Jia >>> Woman! When do you wanna take your picture?!
Dawn >>> You're such a jinx. Along with my cousin. It's ALL your fault +pouts+ I'm demanding that you meet me soon.
Su >>> Yes, and I'm demanding that you too come along and meet me!
Carlos, J, Karl >>> Dudes\Hunks\Hotties\Cuties or whatever else you guys think you are! I miss you! And J, I want my CD which you've promised me since like 7239407235864367 light years ago! And which one of you promised me the 7s shirt?! I don't care! I'm getting them when I meet you guys with Dawnie and Su!! Damn right, I'm demanding :P
--* imperfect unsatisfaction 13:29 *-- [.//cry out**]
Something's seriously wrong with DLand. Can't get into any blog on DLand's server! Pissed pissed pissed!
--* imperfect unsatisfaction 23:37 *-- [.//cry out**]
Finally got a new template. I like it. Haha. Well, I hope you can see this and don't hafta 'view source'. Okay, I shall go off now. Mel's coming over in a bit I think? Byee
Oh and sorry if the words can't really be seen. It is kinda dark. Oops. Shall fix it in a bit. Sorry
--* imperfect unsatisfaction 12:24 *-- [.//cry out**]
Oh yeah. Should blog about yesterday. Am kinda bored right now. Besides I'm trying to take my mind off things. Yup
Met sweetie on wed. 2 months!! Haha. That sweet, darling boyfriend of mine got me roses +smiles+ Met Jia and Mel after that. Walked around Heeren for awhile before heading to Cine. Lan-ed for awhile. Slacked at Taka waiting for Jamie then went home.
I did not die despite having lots of money. Me having lots of money was in the first round when I survived k!? Stupid bungbo! Made me out to be some pathetic loser. Lol.
-*-jia-*-
Yes yes. I'll smile and try to cheer up. And I hope you took care of Jams or I'll really slap you to Pluto with our special someone ya?! You better take care of her!!!!!! +wags finger+ Lol
-*-jams-*-
Yes, grasshoppers hop. They don't run +looks at Mel and rolls on the floor laughing+ When is the next bitchfest?! I'm so damn bored. And are you serious aboout the job thing?! Take care la woman. Please get well soon ya. Or I'll slap Jia to Pluto for not taking care of you!!
-*-ching-*-
Hey sugar. Hope you're doing fine and all in TPJC k. And just join bowling la. Bowling rocks! Haha. Join bowling and train hard to get into school team. Cause the national schools rock man! Haha, I suppose you know what I mean. But then again, you can still go to national schools on pretext of cheering your school on +grins+ I miss you soo soo much. Catch up soon! +hugs+
-*-amy-*-
Hey GENIUS||PRINCESS||WORLD'S GREATEST!!! I missed you tons can! Am sooo damn glad you're back. And you better make time for me or else!!!! Hahah. Kidding. Anywho. I'm just real glad you're back!! +huge hug+
-*-lydia-*-
Hey babe. If you're reading this. I'm always here for you k. Cheer up. And you WON'T be left on the shelf babe. I promise you that I'll make sure someone takes you (if people don't snatch you up already) Take care right? Miss ya. Catcha soon. Love love :)
-*-carlos-*-
Dude! What up with ya? Seems like ages since I got a 'hey, how you doing' call from you! My nights seem so empty without em. Honestly. Ah well. I guess I just miss those crazy times we've had screaming at each other at 4am in the morning. Haha. I'll talk to you soon yeah hottie? Cheerios`
-*-dawn & su-*-
Okay yes I admit. I'm getting lazy with the shoutouts here! Soz babes. Anyways, I miss miss miss you guys! Will see you guys on sat IF we're lucky! Oh and that includes you too 'Los! Right, hope you guys are doing great. And Su, thanks for getting me stuff from Bali. Gotta meet ya soon to get it. And I miss you guys so damn much!
-*-yang-*-
Yes Yang! I miss you too!!! Miss the way you would always insult and condemn me to the center of the Earth! Ya la. I just miss you la. And the times you would always scream and shout at me. And your "haiyohs" and your scary scary impersonations of American Idol! Those late night talks and everything! Though I know sometimes I MIGHT be a lil mean to you. I still love you la k! Haha. Miss you sooo damn much. Catch up soon k. Though I know you don't wanna see me la. But I don't care!!
-*-benji-*-
Yo Benji-boy!! Happy belated birthday!! Sorry didn't celebrate with ya. But I'll make it up to you some other time la. Promise. And I hope you're doing fine. Haven't seen/talked to you in ages man. When are we gonna have a bitchfest again?!!! +whines+ Anyways, take care la yea?? +hugs+
-*-paul-*-
Hey sweetheart!!! Thanks for being such a great boyfriend these 2 months! I love you sooo damn much. And I'll never ever ever stop loving you! And though sometimes I know I piss you off when I doubt you, I still trust you k. Just hope you'll understand that I'm really insecure at times. And if I've hurt you or pissed you off real badly, I'm sorry baby! Forgive me k? Didn't mean it and I NEVER will. I know I haven't really opened myself up fully to you and I'm trying to do that. But I need time. I promise you, you'll get to know the real me! Sometimes it might seem like I'm not there for you, or that I'm not supportive enough. But I just wanna let you know that I'm always here, though you don't see/feel it. +hugs+ Yes, fine I shall admit it here that I'm pampered k +hides face+ Anyways, thank you for everything you've done for me sweetheart! Appreciate it so damn much!! *Seesh, I sound like such a horrible girlfriend!* Thanks for putting up with me too! I love you my precious. You are the love of my life!! +muahx+
Man, this has been a long entry. I'm surprised anyone got here. Anyways, I'm off now. Will be back soon. Seeing how bored I am! Tata
--* imperfect unsatisfaction 00:43 *-- [.//cry out**]
Well. I guess the whole superficial with friends thing ain't just a phase. Been thinking and it's almost like I've become a whole new person. Like I'm not the same with my friends. I miss the old me. The one who'd be frank about how she was feeling and not the one who'd walk around with a smile on her face even when her inside's a complete whirl.
And even when I tell people how I feel. It's just like "Yeah, I'm pissed/upset/disappointed" or whatever else. I can't find it in me to open up and tell them what I'm really thinking of inside. Like I can't seem to tell people why I'm upset with them over. I just feel so fake. Like I'm not portraying myself to those around me. My life isn't a movie for goodness' sakes! Just frustrated with everything. Why can't I just be like normal people who live their lives exactly the way they are?
Things Cheryl has to learn >>>
1. To stop being too sensitive to what people say!
2. To change that shallow thinking of hers
3. To let her guard down around people!
+sighs+ It seems kinda hard. But I'm gonna try
--* imperfect unsatisfaction 00:36 *-- [.//cry out**]